Excerpts from the book.

I had never know love like this… the love for me and the love for God!  This man was too good to be true and yes he was indeed!  Married for over 20 years and seperated for two this man had habits, women and formerly drugs!  But now I was his drug and I knew it…….


Something New

I am headed for “Fresh beginnings”  something new.   Never have I been away from my home state with no intention of returning to reside.  This is my crossroads; I can choose to stay and endure the havoc that is brewing or move on.

There is potential chaos that awaits this state with the economic depression, the loss of more jobs, the increase in state income tax, the corruption and the now the lack of educators to teach the children in Illinois schools!  Wow this state took a nose dive and I have been riding this ride long enough!

I am aware that every state has its burdens but this one is heavier than all of them 11% unemployment COME ON and this is higher than the national average!

It’s hard to work temporary or permanent here;  If you have too much experience you are a threat to someone elses job and they find a way to discredit you and  inexperience is just as bad.

Okay I’m off of my soap box now.  I am on the road to fresh beginnings….. The days seem brighter and I will keep a positive attitude.  I am prayerful and hopeful that all goes well!  CHANGE IS INEVITABLE!

2012 Not in our job description!

I sometimes wonder why so many grasp onto devastation but not to the opposite; This is where the internet becomes dangerous when you can GOOGLE OR BING “THE END OF THE WORLD” Wow! I guess God “Wiki’s” now! A quick thought! Since “we” know when the world is going to end we should be scared beyond measure! All of us fall short of the Glory of God. We should all get busy cleaning up this mess so that we have at least a slight chance of going to heaven…

Yes we are witnessing climate change and natural disaster, not to mention corruption unthinkable and other things that raise a brow or two but the day of demise can come in the next moment depending upon what God has planned for you and as for this earth… we all know God gaveth and God can taketh away whenever he pleases without notice and definetly without the internet or Nostradamus!

Besides what can you do about it~!

Domestic Violence and Selective Memory Loss

I really don’t like exposing myself to this extent but I have dealt with the memory of my mother getting her jaws broken, her front teeth knocked out and her behind beat to a pulp by a now deceased Harvey Police Officer Ray Cobb.

I spent endless days wondering if  “it” was about me?  The sickness in this situation is that my mother was NEVER married to his man, assumed his last name as if they were married as I resided with them and lived in total silence  as he ignored me and treated me as if I were not there, I was only to speak when spoken to and could not eat a family dinner but had to eat alone.  Did I mention I watched the beatings closer than ever. 

The day that we left that dreaded address of 15320 Marshfield, Harvey, IL  was in no way a happy day for my mom who was seriously beaten and knocked in the mouth with a bee bee gun that resembled a shot gun.

It was a great day of liberation for me. 

I don’t feel bad for feeling good about it … My mother the same woman that was a victim of this type of violence is pushing my forgiveness toward my brother but not pushing his apology and to top it off!  She now tells me (after I explain the effect that domestic violence had on me as if she wouldn’t know) that things did not happen the way that I rememeber! 


I even have sworn that in my life I would not resume a relationship with any man that ever put his hands on me or give me any indication that he would put his hands on me thus it should not be surprising that I am apprehensive about dealing with this current family dillema.

~ Palau Italy~

It’s Friday  June of 1993 and yes I had probably just gotten paid.  I was in the Navy and loving life.  The day before my shipmate / roommate  Lasandra and I picked up our favorite after work cocktail “Peach Schnapps and Orange Juice”  it was time to get our party on!

On the way home (walking of course)  through the picturesque streets of Palau  I stop by the Cafe and pick up a Rotisserie Chicken (better than any that you would taste here in the states) and hit the next curve around to the most beautiful sight that I could imagine seeing, My apartment sitting directly on a gorgeous mediterranean beach of white sand and Safire water. 

Sandy had all of the doors open and I could hear the music of  R-Kelly coming from our place!  As I walked through the door there was that crazy yet familiar scent of BURNT BOLOGNA emitting from the kitchen!  My roommate had a thing for Burnt Bologna with cheese and mustard sandwiches and let us not forget the Peach Schnapps and Orange Juice.

The party was about to start… our friends were coming by for cards and a cookout!  There is nothing like good friends and a good time.

I miss yall!

The Entitlement Generation

What’s up with the youth of today or even the elders of today!   Scenario 1: My husband and I have taken guardianship of my niece and have had her since she was 6 months old.  We were there for her 1st word, first steps and first day of Pre-K, we have provided her with a healthy and stable environment after the mother was unwilling to care for her and her father remains unable. 

You would think that these individuals would say Thank You sometimes or that the mom would even buy her something that she needs or even visit her occasionally.  Now I admit, my brother does pick his daughter up from school daily and keeps her until I pick her up after work AND she does spend the night with her Grandmother (for the most part) and her Daddy  weekends but a Thank You is at least in order. 

Scenario 2:  My Crazy a#$%ed momma!  She must have forgotten that she did not give brith to an ATM Machine nor did is it in my “Daughter Description” that I am she and her son’s housekeeper!  I swear that they won’t keep their house clean unless I get the guilties and perform the first major clean. 

There it is in a nutshell!  The Entitlement Generation nust have skipped my generation!

What it is.

What is happy? something that we all wish to feel, is it real hmm. I sometimes doubt it, but what about it?  what is love, only from Jehova Jyra, my provider, no man can love me the way that he does. What is loneliness? that I can tell you but not to overwelm you, there are many that are lonely and not alone, some reach for the phone, some have a man at home.  but still there is the lonliness, the emptiness. the solitude that one could be sharing with someone that wishes to be in the others company. What is dysfunction? our mothers, fathers and brothers, our sisters, cousins and lovers.  Those that funcition by ruining your life and have no business of their own.  Main goal destruction … now that’s dysfunction. I want my life and promises and I want them now! Enought time wasted…. do your own thing and leave my thing alone! Copyright August 17, 2008

Disrespecting Daddy!

It’s amazing that a 30 year old woman can’t get a grip!  To protect the identity of this younglady I’ll just call her Abbey.

This  young lady a mother of 2 and in a relationship herself  fails to acknowledge that her mother  and father are no longer together.  Dad is now happily or shall I say blissfully  married to someone else and has been for 12 years!

In an effort or several efforts to ruin this second marriage unsuccessfully, Abbey has resorted to turning the Grandchildren against their grandfather and anyone else in the family that will listen for that matter.

Abbey is ANGRY / INFURIATED  as she see’s her mom hurting but fails to realize that her mom walked out of the marriage with Dad 2 years prior to his decision to move on.   In explanation Dad had issues, serious issues and is now “Born Again”,  This man has literally gone from rags to riches on a personal note meaning that he found himself upon losing his first wife and has grown beyond measure.   Dad was living a life of mental incarceration  with his ex wife of 20 years unfulfilled and unaware of his true potential.

With all of this said, Abbey remains consistent in opposing Dad’s happiness.   Dad is now estranged from his family, Nieces and nephews, Abbey and her children and one of his older brothers.  Each of these people with an exception of maybe 2 are unhappy in a relationship or without one and have jumped on this younglady’s bandwagon.  Dad has not been invited to Thanksgiving or Christmas dinners and exluded from reunions of any type.   There is basically no communication with his family

Unaware of any of the fabrications told to his family by Abbey, Dad holds out and prays daily for their healing especially Abbey’s. 

Nonetheless,  Abbey continues to spew hatred and curse out Dad’s new wife, accuses Dad of having problems with his “established family” and choosing his “new family” over them and finally accusing Dad of having her children in harms way when they visit with him (not even thinking of how ridiculous that she sounds or even taking inconsideration that  he raised Abbey and her brother Darren as a full time dad while her mom worked constantly as she rarely had time for Abbey and her brother).

Dad has grown by leaps and bounds by discovering his potential learning to trust and to love once again, continuing his education in order to obtain his J.D. and traveling for recreation and not for an employer. 

Abbey maintains an unhealthy attitude in her unhappy life within her miserable household!

Deceptive Practices

Is it me or did I just get played by a clown with a red wig ONCE AGAIN!

On this beautiful Tuesday morning I had a few minutes to spare and I was a little bit hungry on the way to work when I saw the sign that said $1.00 Sausage McMuffin, well the price was right and because I am watching what I eat I decided “Why Not”,  I carefully order the Sausage McMuffin and Sweet Tea both $1.00 RIGHT?   WRONG! My bill was $3.49 (including Chicago’s astronomical taxes but that’s another story)  and when I asked about this the cashier said “It’s a dollar when you order without egg!”   Not to mention that when I ordered the Sweet Tea I had to make sure that the size was the correct size for $1.00,  Anyway by this time I had already paid for the sandwich and was a bit upset about the matter and then it hit me!   I have been here before …. I thought to myself  “Remember the double cheeseburger that was more than $1.00 when the sign clearly stated $1.00 and because there was another name for it “double with cheese” the price was higher or what about the time that Sweet Tea was $1.00 for the supersize and when that was ordered the promotion was over but the sign was still being displayed and the manager had to be called”.  Ok I know that it is not a big deal, but this can be considered Deceptive Practices because the consumer was not informed prior to order or when ordering.

I am not trying to come off as  some $1.00 freak too cheap to buy the meal  but this is not right and while McDonald’s teaches and preaches customer satisfaction to their employee’s like nobody’s business this should be addressed.   Clarity and honesty go a long way increasing profits and helping to maintaining “the good reputation” of a company. 


Losing Society

I am just sitting here unable to stop crying as I listen to a new report as I did when the story was first aired about the young man Honor Student Derrion  that was beaten to death walking home from Fenger High School in Chicago’s Roseland community.

 I found myself almost hyperventilating, I could not help the tears and my heart just went out to his family but for the most part it went out to him.   I hurt so bad.

 As I have pride for the children and young adults that accomplish greatness I have sorrow for those whom we don’t get a chance to benefit from their greatness.  Just think if this had happened to individuals as great as our African American leaders today and of OUR history.  We would not enjoy most if not all of our freedoms and privileges if it weren’t for their greatness, accomplishments and their fight in getting us where we are today!

 “Our people perish because of their lack of knowledge”! 

Remember our bedtime prayer? “Now I lay down to sleep, I pray the Lord MY SOUL TO KEEP!  PLEASE TEACH ME LORD WHAT IS RIGHT and protect me Lord all day and night!   Are we even teaching this prayer to our children these days?   

 Do we pray at night with our children?  Do we pray with them before our day begins? 

As you can see the CPD were there when Derrion was suffering from what reports say and because they were outnumbered did nothing as it is assumed that they awaited backup.   Who is providing protection for our children other than God and ourselves?

 I have realized that some individuals that are just oblivious.  There are so many reasons that children grow up violent and angry;  we can think of a million can’t we?  But what really matters is if you know (whether you care or not) that you have a child or children with a problem, it is YOUR responsibility to GET HELP FOR THEM!   There is even free assistance.  This does not happen overnight there are serious tell tale signs from as early as age 3.   If you don’t  get help for them a system that does not care will do it for you and it may mean a lifetime or death row!  The lives of the victims family and the culprits families have all been changed because SOMEONE WAS OBLIVIOUS, SELFISH OR JUST DID NOT CARE ENOUGH!

 My grandmother retired a Chicago Public School Teacher of 30 years and my good friend Wendie is a  recently retired CPS teacher, I know that teachers hear and see almost everything;  I am sure that if all of the children knew of the fight scheduled as it was, teachers must have known as well.  TEACHERS also have responsibilities to their students no matter how they do it, addressed or anonymous!   This fight was so out of control it may as well have happened inside of the school! 

 As you can see blame can be placed any and everywhere and at this point there is one thing that should be done daily and that is left to do and that is to pray.      No one has the answer but  God.

 I am not a fan of his but Mayor Daley did not do this and it seems that anything that happens south of the city is pretty much swept under the rug anyway.  Olympics?  Is this city safe enough for Olympics?  I am afraid to drive through the city to go downtown or come home from the city at night!   Friends invite me to their baby showers and birthdays in the city and I decline because I just don’t feel safe about it.   My husband and I operate our businesses within the city of Chicago and I am paranoid of even riding through quite a few of them even in broad daylight.

 The only thing that the Mayor of Chicago  can do is to Militarize these schools and if it comes to this it would be sad  but it will probably  work.

 Imagine:  CPS Schools run like military academies.  The streets in troubled neighborhoods run like military bases! Punishment would be harsh for those that did not walk the fine line.    Talk about loss of freedom!  but IT IS what we are asking for.   Understand that this could be next.